I’m often asked “How will I know when I’ve found my spot?” It takes a little bit of time, a quiet mind and an open heart and then, you will simply know.
If you’ve made the decision about whether you want your body to be cremated or buried and communicated this choice to your loved ones, you are being a responsible body owner. If you have gone a step further and decided on the location you’d like your remains to reside, and you are ready to “pick your spot,” good for you for making this step. Your loved ones will be thanking you after you’ve died.
If you find yourself in a situation where your own loved one has just died or is expected to die within a short period of time, and death care arrangements have not been made or discussed, I send to you streams of compassion. This may not be an easy time to “pick a spot.” Family and friends want to stay close to their dying loved one and are likely exhausted from the care they’ve been offering. Making a decision at this time can be difficult, family members may disagree with each other when discussing options. Often there is the added financial stress of how to pay for the death care expenses. If you have lived through such a scenario, you have likely been motivated to put your affairs in order and make your decisions ahead of time.
Our sister project to Carolina Memorial Sanctuary, Center for End of Life Transitions, offers classes and support in completing Advance Care and After Death Care Directives. “After Death Care Directives,” you say, “what is that?” You’ve likely heard about Advance Care Directives, where you make your wishes known, in writing, indicating who you want to make medical decisions for you when you cannot speak for yourself and you specify the situations when you do or do not want life support. After Death Care Directives express your wish for burial, cremation, body donation or (fill in the blank), who will follow through with your choice, and where you want your remains to reside. I have found that the majority of folks I’ve spoken with (outside of these classes) have not completed their medical directives, a will, nor have they wanted to consider what to do with their body when it is no longer alive. And, if the end of life has been considered, it is unlikely a topic of conversation that arose with loved ones.
Perhaps, after these major decisions, you find yourself at Carolina Memorial Sanctuary seated next to me (or Cassie or Anthony) in the golf cart, with Jasper snuggled up next to you. Now that you’re here, you may express your apprehension or nervousness, or even excitement for following through with your choices and begin to talk about your plans for your (or your loved one’s) body after it dies. If you’ve decided on cremation, you might even be having second thoughts, now considering body burial instead, or vice versa. This is all part of the process. Provided with enough information and space, you will be able to make a choice. And then, we slowly ride around on the trails.
I’m often asked “How will I know when I’ve found my spot?” It takes a little bit of time, a quiet mind and an open heart and then, you will simply know.
As we drive around, I can tell when we’ve entered a part of the Sanctuary that is speaking to you, as our human verbal conversation pauses. The Sanctuary’s sacred energy is communicating. You may hear and feel this energy in the openness of the ridgetop meadow, in the quiet of the woods, or above the soft flow of McDowell Creek. There may be several areas that are appealing – take your time and walk around, if you like. You ask to be driven to a specific area and step out of the golf cart to feel the earth beneath your feet, moving a few feet here and there, similar to a pet finding it’s perfect napping spot. And there you will stand as if held in place by a magnet. You have found “Your Spot”. It wasn’t so hard was it? You will likely be wearing a smile and ask, “Now what?” You will be offered the opportunity to hammer a metal stake in the ground so we’ll know this spot is for you. And then we’ll take care of the paperwork. Usually, when this process is complete, my guest will experience a light-hearted joy in completing this (imagined) difficult task. A few times, my guests have found the general area they like and and were unsure about the exact spot. This is where my dog Jasper offers his assistance. In one of these situations, Jasper started digging to indicate his choice for a nice burial spot. Jasper’s gift lifted our spirits and opened our hearts to laughter at a time of deep sadness and grief.
In helping folks after the death of their loved one, I’ve seen many outcomes. Those loved ones who expressed ease, gratitude and confidence, were typically provided a map by the deceased, to navigate the end of life and the decisions that had already been made regarding the care and disposition for their body left behind. And then there are those who may have felt confused and burdened by trying to guess what their deceased loved one would have wanted. This later scenario is often the case. Many feel it a difficult conversation to have. Although, it is an important conversation to have. All of us will die. Not one of us will be left out. I encourage you to consider your options, gather information, make a decision and then “Pick Your Spot.” You will rest well, knowing you have created the path for the recycling of your body and provided your loved ones with the directions for your final journey. May you live well, happy and with great ease.
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Learn about Burial Options at Carolina Memorial Sanctuary
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