When I was a little girl, I spent Sunday mornings driving my grandmother’s electric wheelchair up and down the hallways of her nursing home. She’d hand me shiny pink candies from the bowl on her nightstand and I’d pop them in my mouth as I hopped on her “scooter.”
When my mom got the call that my grandma had taken her last breath, we both wept. I soon understood that weekends would look different now, and I’d be visiting the local cemetery instead of that big brick building with tile floors and floral curtains. The realization that I could lose someone that I loved broke my six-year-old heart, and the heaviness of that loss stayed with me through my elementary school years. I now know that the pain and longing I experienced had another name: grief.
In the decades since, I’ve felt grief of many textures. I grieve for other loved ones who have died, for forests that have been clearcut, for chapters of my life that have come and gone, and for people around the world whose names I do not know but whose stories deeply move me. I like to think of my grief as a friend that I carry with me – an honest and wise companion who reminds me that it’s sometimes messy, difficult, and tender to be alive and fully feeling.
Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve placed shovelfuls of soil into the grave of a loved one at the Sanctuary or made visits to a four-legged friend off Rainbow Bridge trail. Maybe you feel waves of grief from a loss that happened decades ago but sometimes feels like yesterday. Or maybe planning for death has reminded you of what you’ll miss most about life.
We’ve all loved and lost, and yet grief (like death) is often pushed to the margins. As a former perfectionist, it took me a while to understand that there’s no right way to grieve, no one-size-fits all approach, and no timeline to adhere to. Grief is beautifully non-linear and it moves differently through each of us. For some it brings tears, for others anger. Some people find singing, dancing, making art, or writing poetry nurturing, and others may need to sit quietly by a river with a friend. I’ve found ritual to be helpful, and on my altar at home there’s an heirloom handkerchief with “Olive” handwritten on a corner. When I sit down to meditate, I see that piece of cotton and remember my grandma’s gentle spirit and withered hands.
I know I’m better for having loved my grandma and all of the forests that have been paved over, and it’s my belief that tending to our personal and collective grief expands our capacity for empathy, compassion, and care for each other and the Earth. At the Sanctuary, when I see a Pileated Woodpecker gliding over burial mounds or Joe Pye blooming by the creek, I’m struck by how death and grief nurture life and joy. It’s an honor to be of service at this place – where tears fall, memories are shared, and the land holds it all in beauty.
If you’re on a grief journey of your own, there are a variety of places to find support and encouragement. This brief list of local and virtual resources might give you a place to start:
Best Friends has an extensive list of resources for people grieving pet loss. It includes hotlines, virtual support groups, videos, and book recommendations.
CarePartners Bereavement Support
CarePartners hosts a variety of bereavement support groups focused on spouse/partner loss, making grief collages, writing poetry, and more in Asheville and beyond.
Four Seasons Hospice Grief Services
Four Seasons offers grief support groups, workshops, book clubs, and events for the Western North Carolina community. They also have a program called Compass which is focused on supporting children and adolescents who are grieving the death of a loved one.
GGN is a peer support network focused on processing ecological grief in community.
Inviting Abundance has a variety of creative grief work offerings, including a grief pen pal project and a self-paced online course in grief mapping.
National Alliance for Children’s Grief
NACG is dedicated to supporting bereaved children and teens and their families.
Psychology Today provides a directory of grief therapists, counselors, and psychologists in your area.
Speaking Grief is a public media initiative aimed at creating a more grief-aware society. Their website includes a host of resources as well as an excellent (and free) documentary.
